How do we bear putting our beloved protagonists through the torture of conflict?

We love our protagonists, often we can identify with them and there’s a piece of ourselves in them, so how can we force them through the torture of the story’s conflict? It’d be easy for us to change the story so they never have to live that hell we designed for them. We are essentially God. But then without a conflict there’s no story so what do we do?

I’ve loved my protagonists in my stories, and even some of the villains. It’s been hard for me to put them through the torture of conflict. Yet I came up with a way to keep conflict without being cruel to one’s protagonist;

            the conflict must help shape the protagonist into
             something better that they couldn’t have
             become if they hadn’t gone through the conflict.

 

 There are a few things that need to be done for this to work;

1.       At the beginning show a flaw in your protagonist that needs to be changed.

a.       My novels’ protagonists have many flaws but there's usually one major or highlighted flaw that needs changing. It’s not always so obvious what it is, to the point it can be named easily.

2.       During the story the protagonists has to undergo change, shaped by the conflict.

a.       For example, a protagonist who has too much pride needs to be disappointed again and again till he or she realizes he needs to get rid of his pride.

3.       At the end the protagonist has to come out different than they were in the beginning.

These are basic steps but sometimes forgotten. I often forgot the first one, wanting my beloved protagonists to be perfect—no wonder my stories were boring. But now here it is plain and simple. You don’t have to torture your protagonists to create interesting conflict. The conflict you force them through teaches them, makes them better, helps them grow, and it makes us closer to God since that’s what he does for us.

 

My inspiration for this article was an event that happened at a writer’s conference;

A woman asked, “I care about my protagonist so much I have trouble putting my protagonist through the torture of conflict. How can I make it easier?” The panel being asked said, “put the characters through more torture, the more the better.”  This was extremely unhelpful. It didn’t answer the question or solve the woman’s problem.  I’d already been through this problem and solved it but I was unable to find the woman so I thought I’d post my answer here.

What do you do when you just can’t keep Writing?

We may want to be but we’re not energizer bunnies. Sometimes we just can’t write any more and there are many reasons this can happen, lack of motivation, lack of a project, lack of faith. I’ve had all three of these happen to me, the first and third more than the rest. There are a few ways I’ve managed to jump my batteries;

1.       Read a Book

I’m not a huge reader. I’ve read classics and pick up a book ever once and awhile but I’m a slow reader so it takes me about a month to finish a book if not longer or I get obsessed and my life becomes second to getting through the book, which is a monster-on-my-back I like to avoid. But I’ve found reading something similar or even different than the project I’m working on provides a prospective of what gets published and allows me to enjoy the fruits of someone else’s similarly frustrating experience giving hope there is an end. For me it’s also provided me with examples of flaws that are allowed in books and gives me hope that my story doesn’t have to be perfect. Perfection is really a myth.

 

2.       Go Back to the Basics

Especially when writing my screenplays if I’m not sure where things are going, or I don’t think things feel right I’ll go back to Character Development, Plot, Settings, Themes, and My Statement of purpose and define those things again. This may not change anything. It usually doesn’t change anything for me but reminds me what I’ve been trying to do and often inspires me to write out more detail so I can push forward. I outline, write character biographies, define themes, and write out a statement of purpose for the books and movies I work on as well as an excel sheet with timelines for all my characters so they have lives even when the “camera” isn’t rolling. It’s important to remember these characters need to be real before the story starts, after the story, and during the transitions that are too boring to actually write in the book.

 

3.       Get Away from the Writer and Live a Little

Even though we often define ourselves that way, a writer is not all we are. Our lives should have other aspects, especially since writing is a solitary activity and by nature we are social creatures. It’s important to have a balanced life. Go outside, make a new friend, put some life into your life and the motivation, faith, and a new project will come.

 

4.       More is Sometimes too Much

Even if you’ve written less than a paragraph of that new project sometimes you need to step back from the writing, like I’ve done with this blog for a couple months. I needed to stop the writing and the pressure that comes with it so I could come back fresh after a break. I’ve tried to go forward while the pressure remained and things just got worse and harder.

 

5.       Stop what you’re Writing and Write Something Fun

Writing my second novel I just stopped. My first novel needs some new eyes to edit it. Someone who actually knows about Christian Romance and can help me make it accessible to non-Christians without changing the message. But that was six months ago so I was losing faith it would ever get published. Since the second book is a sequel I found myself wondering why I was even bothering. A second project, a television show outline I’m working on seemed to be taking longer than it should and my faith just shrank to nothing. So, because it’s my nature I fell back into a story to comfort myself. It turned out to be a story I’d worked on over 15 years ago, when I was in high school. It reminded me of why I love to write and brought the joy back and with it came the faith. A few sayings help me;

                “I may not be able to write well yet but there’s time for me to learn.”

                “At least I’m not a model, actress, or baseball player and I can reach my peak in my 80s.”

                “I may not be the best writer but I know I have something to offer.”

                “Failure is guaranteed when one just gives up.”

                “50% of doing something well is doing it at all.”

Want to Make a Friend?

In high school and middle school it’s easy to hate that mean girl or the bully boy but Jesus said love your enemy in Mathew 5: 43-48. Jesus implies you can receive blessing by loving your enemies because they can be your friends if you just treat them that way. When you love your enemies not only will your stress, the drama of hating them go to God, you’ll also witness love to them and they may learn to love you in return as a true friend, who defends, supports, and protects you.

I’ve seen it! Here's a fun little video that shows how it works. Then I'll continue with some of my real life examples of how I've seen it work around me.

Two of my friends in high school hated each other with a passion. They did horrible things to each other; spread rumors, tattle on each other, and said nasty things to each other. BUT when they stopped, and it was a sudden halt they both agreed on one night backstage during a play all three of us were in, when they made the choice to be nice to each other during that play they became the best of friends, inseparable.

A good friend of mine in high school loved everyone. She had God in her heart and Christ as her savior, never said a bad word about a soul, was the happiest person I know, and never seemed to have a bad day. Everyone was her friend and would attest to that if asked.

It’s not an easy thing to do, love your enemies. I have trouble a great deal of the time. I’ve challenged myself to do it and I’ve made some progress. I now challenge all of you to do it. You can start slow, wish something good for them, say a prayer to bring them something even you would consider good, and when the opportunity comes your way do something nice, such as if they’re standing in back of you in the cafeteria line, offer them to go in front of you. Then you can work your way up to saying something nice to them for no reason, inviting them to Jamba juice or your birthday party.

Remember often those who are the most difficult to love are in the most need of it AND a drop of water in a dry mouth will mean so much more than a cup full in a content mouth. You can seriously change someone’s life by doing this and will open the door for God to bring a change inside them.

New Year’s Resolutions, Did they stick? Why Not?

It’s October and as the year’s coming to a close I’m thinking about my New Year’s resolutions. There were two. Did I accomplish what I set out to do? Did that bring me the results I wanted? For each resolution there’s a different answer.

1.       Go to the gym to get in shape

My couch potato, always in front of the computer or TV self needed to get some good old endorphins so I joined a gym hoping the expense of 20+ dollars a month would motivate me—don’t let it be in vain. I started by getting a trainer, who taught me how to do many things and allowed me to get comfortable in the space. She was my ambassador to the world of gym. Then I had to push myself to go. I found I needed to push myself at my own pace and give myself my own reasons to be there. I like reading in front of the treadmill or rather editing. I find it allows me to be clear and focused.

There were a couple months I was lax, I got sick, time got away from me, I didn’t seem to want to go but I just came from the gym about an hour ago. I’m proud of that especially since last night I read an article that said the gym is teaming with germs—I’ve never gotten sick. Aren’t there germs everywhere? I am taking extra precautions to eradicate the germs on my gym bag and the Bible I take but for the most part I think my gym keeps things pretty clean. Of course washing hands is always important.

Now did I get in shape? I don’t know. I do feel my caves getting firmer, and my midsections kind of burns right now from the crunches. But am I in shape. I hope there isn’t an apocalyptic event anytime soon! I don’t think I’d be able to walk across Los Angeles with a rubber band and a black plastic bag to gather water in. But I’ve found even a 30minute work out on the treadmill makes me happier. Who cares about being in shape as long as we’re happy and not too unhealthy?

2.       Clean my room for at least 20 minutes a day every day.

When I made this resolution my bedroom, which serves as my family room and my office, was overflowing with papers; all the writing stuff I hadn’t had time to file in those two empty file drawers.

The twenty minutes a day was really pretty easy to manage, after the twenty minutes was done. I did spend a lot of the time grumbling, while I did it. Often I forgot and I’d try to do it right before bed, sometimes I’d just say “never mind” I’ll do 40 minutes tomorrow and then never do that. It wasn’t working.

What I ended up doing is while my parents were away I took all my file folders downstairs with the new box of new file folders and as I watched a marathon of “How I Met Your Mother” (after which I kept saying “Suit Up” to the kids I babysit) I filed everything in two days. My room was clean. I didn’t need to do the 20 minutes of clean up every day anymore…so I thought. My room is a mess again, which is what got me to thinking about my New Year’s resolutions. I think I have two main problems; I don’t put things away when I get them out and I don’t really have a place to put everything. In order to put something away there’s got to be a place to put it. I only moved into my new house two years ago. I should get on that and defiantly for a writer I need to make it easier to make new files.

So, it didn’t all work or the way I wanted it to. But we’re all a work in progress. Why didn’t it work is so much more important a question than did it work. Don’t you think?

5 Things I don’t understand about the Female Gender (my gender)

Why are Diamonds a girl’s best friend?

My friends usually breathe and talk to me. I’m not saying the diamond shouldn’t be in an engagement ring, though it doesn’t have to be a diamond, what I am saying is when a guy buys me jewelry it says one of three things, “he did something bad,” “he had no idea what to get,” and or “I can now feed a small tribe in Africa.” For me diamonds/jewelry is cold (unless it has some other significance like it was a family air loom or it’s religious jewelry). It’s also an unnecessary expense, that money could be used for a better purpose than to adorn oneself when one could adorn oneself with something fake that’s just as pretty, and who knows if the gift is her style.

Why do we love scented soaps and lotions?

I react badly to perfume, even Febreze sprayed heavily gives me problems, so this could just be my thing. I usually don’t react badly to scented soaps or lotions but I still don’t understand; why does it have to be scented? Fruit scents and vanilla aren’t so bad but some scents can be intense and there’s no way to get rid of it once you’ve soothed that dry skin or done the healthy thing and washed your hands.

Why do we need throw pillows?

Yes, they make things pretty but for me right now all I can think is “They have no function and cost money”. They are not cheap. I have a pillow on my bed for sleeping and that’s enough. The throw pills, on the bed just get in the way. HOWEVER throw pillows on the couch, on more than one occasion I’ve used them to take a nap so one or two isn’t so bad (I’d put them on a registry). When someone gets into double or triple digest, unless they have 5 or more couches in their house, I think someone needs an intervention. (I’m totally putting that in my sitcom)

Why all that makeup every day?

Now I enjoy putting on a little cover up, lip stick, and foundation (when I have the time) but some women glob it on then look like hookers. They worship makeup as they sit in front of the altar of their mirror every morning for over an hour craning their necks to glimpse that sacred figure. Not only did God make us beautiful just as we are but also society’s views on beauty change over time. In centuries past being large and pale used to be beautiful and they went to dangerous lengths to ensure it. Sound familiar? Only now it’s skinny and tan. On more than one occasion an old photo or home video shows family of mine all dolled up and by today’s standards looking ridiculous. They even admit that. This is why I do what makes me feel beautiful, my hair is always straight and only styled for special occasions, and I don’t feel the need to put on makeup every day. And I shudder at what all that glop is doing to their skin.

Why do we like flowers from our boyfriends/husbands?

Of course they brighten your day as a birthday gift or get well flowers from a friend. A romantic gift it's not, flowers die, attract bugs, and are messy to clean up after. And roses have prickly thorns. I have the added challenge of allergies so certain flowers give me headaches. I probably shouldn’t put my face in them… but it’s a reflex.

Faith and Reason, tricky things to come by

While I was floating in Lake Michigan with my mother’s cousin, she relayed to us the ordeal of helping her 80 year old parents send an e-mail. They kept asking, “Did it send?” and “How do you know it sent?” she finally had to tell them, “It just did.” Faith that an e-mail sent, while it may be simple for younger generations to have is difficult for the older generations to grasp.

                The other day I was looking to see if any text compared Jesus to Socrates, since Jesus often used the Socratic Method to help his disciples uncover truth. I stumbled on a blog entry titled Socrates verse Jesus on the blog “Rationally Speaking”, the direct link is http://rationallyspeaking.blogspot.com/2005/08/socrates-vs-jesus.html. It was obvious the author Prof Massimo Pigliucci was not a religious man for he described Jesus’ existence in a very naive and skeptical manner. But we forgive him because he knows not what he does.

In the blog post, one statement, unrelated to Jesus, seemed quite illogical, that Socrates, “encouraged people to use reason, not faith to understand what life is about.” How can that be when faith is not separate from reason? We have to believe reason, have faith in it to accept it.

Think of a little child, they ask questions like, “Why do I have to eat?, ”Why is the sky blue?” “Why?” “Why?” “Why?” and after each explanation, “because your stomach will hurt,” “because the sun hits air and reflects blue?” the child asks, “Why?” In the end parents or others have to say, “because” or “I don’t know”, or my favorite, “ask God”. By answering these questions parents and others are teaching children faith, that if they don’t eat their stomach will hurt and the sky will always be blue. But that faith is supported by their experiences of their stomach hurting when they don’t eat and the sky remaining blue.

God himself does not ask us to separate reason from faith. That is why he gave us the Bible so we could use it as a resource to find reason to have faith in him. (Look below for “Reason to have faith in God” sketched out.)

For the older generations, having faith in e-mail may come difficult but faith in God comes easier to them than young ones who trusted in e-mail the moment they used it. Yet how do you get the younger ones to believe in something they find boring to hear about but we have many reasons to know is essential to having a truly fulfilling life?

 That’s as difficult as getting those in their 80s to use e-mail.

The Old Testament in brief; Reason to have Faith in God, (also posted separately);

1.       God says to an Old Testament Character, “Because I created the world, I know it. I will give you the secret on how to navigate through it; if you do BLANK, things will go well for you but if you don’t things will not go well for you.”

2.       Old Testament Character whines, “But I don’t want to do that because of BLANK and BLANK.” After a miserable time the Old Testament Character returns to God, “God why are things not going well for me (us)? Why have you forsaken me (us)?”

3.       God says, “Okay, I hear you. You didn’t do what I asked so like I told you things aren’t going well but I’ll give you another chance. Do BLANK and things will go well for you but if you don’t do it things will not go well for you.

4.       Old Testament Character bows grateful, “Okay, I’ll do whatever you say.”

5.       The Old Testament Character returns once the task is done, “It was hard but I did it and things are going well, thank you God.”

6.       God say to the Old Testament Character, “I am very pleased with you. Now do BLANK and things will go well for you but if you don’t do it things will not go well for you.”

7.       Old Testament Character whines, “But I don’t want to do that because of BLANK and BLANK.” After a miserable time the Old Testament Character returns to God, “God why are things not going well for me (us)? Why have you forsaken me (us)?”

8.       GO BACK TO 3 AND REPEAT (TILL THE END OF TIME)

So do we have reason to have faith in God, to trust in him? Yep! He’s such a patient parent, don’t you think?

 

Prayer...Answered

 

Monday morning I woke up with a crushing dread in my chest, I did not want to get out of bed. It was a work holiday and unlike most I dread them, because I usually spend the day lounging in bed, in front of the TV, and berating myself to get something done on the mental list I make for myself. Sunday night I wrote my list down (this blog entry was on it) but that Monday not wanting to get out of bed I feared my productivity would equal that of a slug.

                Part of my reluctance was my novel writing, which I do every day first thing in the morning, wasn’t going well. I’ve worked on the novel “Misconception: Search for Love” for years and on my 8th draft (or so, I’m not sure how to count them) I was feeling discourage it needed some major redraft. Even though I knew the only way to get through the troubled portion was to sit and write, “I don’t want to get up,” I thought and mentally pounded my fists against my bed. I buried my face in my pillow, “Don’t be like a slug,” I thought and felt that brick on my chest again.

 I prayed to God; “give me the courage, rip this fear from my chest”. Nothing happened. I waited, still nothing happened. So without getting out of bed I slid the Bible from the alcove by my bed and opened it up to Joshua. I was to read Joshua for a middle school group I’m helping with. When I read the text, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. ” (Joshua 1:9) I got my answer to my prayer—God was with me, he would always bring me courage. I had no reason to be discouraged or terrified when he is with me.

                 I got up, after I finished reading, and the rest of Monday I got a good number of things on my list done; went to the gym for the first time in weeks and though I didn’t get this blog out until now I count it a productive day. And my writing; today I found a possible solution to my trouble—it will work itself out as long as I have the courage to fight against my discouragement and sit down and write.
                God is with me!

 

 

 

               

God: What about the Power of Third Party Prayer?

“Well, when there’s nowhere to go but up…” was the comment an advocate for atheism made concerning why people feel God working in their lives when they pray. Not only did the comment show the author’s lack of knowledge about the use of prayer—it’s not only used at times of desperation—it also suggested in times of desperation things can’t get any worse when we know of course things can get worse. Another question I’d purposed, after I turned sensitive to his point of view, is, “what about third party prayer”—how can that be psychosomatic?

                I was a junior in high school the first time I know for sure third party prayer affected my life. At my all girls school I stood in front of the lockers as crowds of girls got their things. Clutching the straps of my backpack I hunched over with a permanent scowl on my face. The world was so “UNFAIR!”.  I walked into my English class, my favorite subject, but this particular teacher’s expectations were such an enigma I was getting Cs. Only one girl was in the classroom already. I must have said something grumpy to the girl who was present because I remember her giving me the sympathy I wanted and still I was determined to maintain my scowl. But then she leaned over to me, put her hand on mine, which made me want to flinch, and said, “Can I pray for you?”

It’s not the kind of thing you say no to so I said, “okay” but it never sunk in what that meant and I remember thinking, “yeah, like that will help.” As I expected, the bell rang for next period and as class proceeded I was slouched in my seat, the bitterness inside me burning through all the hope. I went about my life, woke up at 6am was at school till 3:15pm then homework till midnight. Friday after school I’d take a nap till dinner, eat, then watch the two TV shows I recorded. Saturday’s were for homework. Sunday’s for church and more homework. Then the week would start over and I’d do it all again. I did it again and again. The bitterness, the scowl remained.

Then one day, my claws, which dug into the depression I was experiencing, suddenly retracted, as if without my doing. I realized my English teacher, despite my desire to be a novelist, did not determine my future, I would do my best and if that wasn’t good enough, I would be just fine. I immediately started to feel better and that feeling, though I could have run to my corner and dug my claws back into depression—the unfairness of the world was still present—for some reason I couldn’t be brought down.

                Then, one day even though we hadn’t interacted much, the same girl, who’d asked if she could pray for me, asked how I was. Her tone suggested she was still sympathetic of my sorrow. She hadn’t forgotten.

I told her, “I’m great!” It was all because of her prayers.

So when someone, in regard to the power of prayer says, “oh that’s just psychosomatic”, ask them, “What about third party prayer?”

When Packing for Vacation

I recently returned from a vacation. There are a few things I learned while packing and about my packing when I returned.

PLAN FOR A RANGE OF WEATHER Even if the weather will be “hot”, the evenings may be cool so a jacket (which I seem to wear no matter what the temperature) and some long pants are a must. Bring something for rain. It actually rained while I was away and I brought my iridescent poncho which rolls up in a tight ball. Even if you’re going to some place with snow bring something cooler, it could still be hot and often during such weather indoor places can be overheated.

HAVE A SUITCASE ON HAND: Du, right but as I started packing I found out mine was broken. Before the day of packing make sure you have a reasonable suitcase to pack in. Going out and having to buy something can really chip into that time set aside for the task of packing, which we seem to get to at the last minute. BUT if you have to go out and get something, you might as well start the laundry you need washed, in order to pack clean clothes.

DO LAUNDRY: Start it a couple days before you leave. There’s nothing worse than staying up all night the night before just to wait for the washing machine to finish. And it stands to reason if you’re going out of town for more than a week you’ll probably need to clean some underwear. But leave some of these at home, for the day after the trip. It’s a good chance you won’t do laundry that quick. Another factor in doing this is you don’t want those dirty clothes just sitting there while you’re away.

           HAVE VARIETY; While you may want to have the dilemma of which black pants to wear what happens if you find out you’ll be going fishing while you’re on that board retreat? A range of casual to fancy is best. For woman; conservative to slutty. Yes, it may be a romantic weekend but what happens when you run into an old friend of your husband’s and he and his wife want to have dinner with the two of you. A great way to create a range is bring outfits that can be easily modified. Cords and Capri’s can be dressed up or down depending on the shirt. A simple tank top under a low neck dress creates a more conservative look. Tank tops are always comfortable to sleep in so it may do double duty.

             KNOW THE WHO OF THE TRIP: If you can, which you can’t always, try and figure out what the people you’ll be going on the trip with are apt to want to do. Swimsuits and flip-flops at the beach are logical but what if your friends want to take a hike or go on a horseback ride? You’ll need tennis shoes. What kind of restaurants will they want to go to? Is it a place which requires a dress jacket?

             HAVE YOUR CLOTHES DO MULTIPLE TASKS: Every piece of clothing, besides underwear will be worn more than once. Try and make sure they can perform multiple tasks. Bringing that top just to match those jeans becomes useless when the jeans get stained on the plane. And mixing a matching creates a new outfit for everyday without having to bring something new for every day.

            DRESS FOR COMFORT: Not only physical comfort but emotional comfort. When I first started packing I packed all the outfits I never get a chance to wear and realized I don’t wear them because they’re not me so I’d be embarrassed to wear them. It would have been a disaster to pack only that stuff. So unless you wear a uniform every day pack the stuff you would wear ordinarily and try and stay away from stuff you haven’t worn before because it just takes up space when you find out you’re not comfortable in it.

      IF YOU'RE TO LIVE IN YOUR SWIMSUIT DON'T WASTE SPACE WITH BRAS; Obviously men, you can skip over this one, which is why it’s last. But women if going on a vacation where you’ll spend most of your time at the beach, lake or ocean, you won't have to take as many bras. You’ll probably only be using it for dinners, if you even get a chance to change out of that cute bikini top.

Don’t worry if when you get back from your trip there are a few items you didn’t wear. Even though, because I wore the same things over and over again, I didn't get a chance to wear them, during my Lake Michigan trip I was glad I had the sweat pants and “go ahead and ruin them jeans”.

Will I be damned to Hell?

Have you seen or read the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis? Well you may remember or just be hearing this for the first time that Edmund broke one of the magical land of Narnia’s rules (aka sinning) and was to be executed for it, but Aslan the fair and just Lion (yes, a talking Lion) agreed to take the punishment though he had never done anything wrong. Once Aslan was executed he rose from the dead and the rules of the land became void.

Every human is Edmund, we all break the laws God has set out for us and deserve to be executed to hell. Yes, that is everyone, even Christians deserve to go to hell. But through Aslan aka Jesus’ death and resurrection the rule of sin resulting in hell as our eternal resting place were broken. God, through his son Jesus’ death and resurrection, granted us the free gift of his mercy forgiving all sin. Now, why nonbelievers are often, incorrectly told (no one knows but Jesus), they will go to hell is because there is one sin God does not forgive, the bible says in Mathew 12: 30-32 (New International Version (NIV));

³⁰ “Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters. ³¹ And so I tell you, every kind of sin and slander can be forgiven, but blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven. ³² Anyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but anyone who speaks against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come.

There is a great deal of debate about what this means and why if God is truly benevolent he would be so cruel. But remember one thing, to blasphemy against something one has to believe in it—a little humorous loophole I found. Yet back to seriousness, from my interactions with apologists, my readings, and discussions with knowledgeable people I interpret the passage like this; when someone blasphemies against something they’re emotions are so strong and fixed there can be no turning back. It is impossible! Therefore, they will not seek forgiveness, which is why it will not be granted.  This is why people who, in their hearts, blasphemy against the spirit will end up in hell. It is not a punishment. They are getting exactly what they asked for. Let me explain;

Heaven is to be with God for eternity so when someone blasphemies against him, rather than actively trying to be with him, even in the flawed ways humans do, God knows that person does not wish to be with him for eternity in heaven, so he doesn’t force it on that person. Wouldn’t it be rude of God to force something on someone that they’re adamantly against?

So to answer the question, “Will I be damned to Hell if I don’t believe in Christianity?” you must first answer, “Do I want to spend eternity with God?” Do you really? Tell me why aren’t you seeking him now? There really is no wrong answer to that! I could list about a hundred reasons I wouldn’t want to seek God, but I still seek him, despite the obstacles.

He will listen to all your reservations, even if it takes days! Go on say your first prayer, really what’s the harm?

Being a Good Christian Friend Doesn’t Come Naturally

I am reading Richard Lambs “The Pursuit of God in the Company of Friends”. I just read Chapter Four “The Healing touch of God” about how God can bring healing and how friends are often involved. There were three types, all in Mark Chapter 1 and 2; Story of the Leper, Jesus bringing him back to his friends, Story of the Paralytic, his friends bringing him to Jesus, and the story of Levi, Jesus bringing him healing by showing love and acceptance to his friends. Each of these stories bring healing, even the man who wasn’t “sick” Levi needed to be healed of his belief he wasn’t accepted.

I enjoyed the chapter. It brought me to the conclusion that I’ve experience each one of these types of healing in the course of my life. We all need a lot of healing. God has healed me so I could stop being the social leper I thought I was and accept I could be a part of society. A friend, someone I didn’t really feel that close to (I thought she was kind of weird so cheery all the time basking in God’s love and I couldn’t feel it) brought me to God through her prayers. And God has partied with me as I write (that’s my party) like Jesus dined with Levi’s friends, accepting me even though my “friends” were my characters. He accepted that about me. Through that acceptance I grew confident enough to form relationships with flesh and blood people. I’m still very new at it but I’m in process.

As I read one thing popped into my head I couldn’t get out. I’m not sure it directly relates but for better and often worse I often think out of the sphere of the text. I wonder not only about the “me” as the “Leper”, “Paralytic”, or the “Levi” but the me as the “Friend”.

There are many occasions when I haven’t always been the best friend. Early in life I was bossy when people came over to my house and stubborn about playing what I wanted to play even if that meant I wouldn’t play with them. I had a couple best friends who I haven’t stayed close to for many reasons, that aren’t just mine. They had their reasons too.

Later in life I kept to myself talking with the girls I hung out with at lunch, pickup, and during school when appropriate. I got together with girls from time to time. Sometimes we had fun sometimes not. For the most part I wouldn’t do much outside of school preferring to be alone either sleeping, reading, watching TV, or writing. When I did do things with friends I’d try to do what they wanted yet that made the friendship more work for me than fun. It didn’t seem worth killing my own desires every time I went out with or had a friend over. I didn’t know how to compromise. It seemed impossible.

Now I’m working on compromising, the first step is to know and vocalize my own desires. Then once doing that and only that didn’t help me develop friendships I learned to prompt other people so they would communicate their desires. I ask them how they are, "how’s work going", "how's your family" and if I have any information to follow up on I’ll do that. The next step is to be able to adapt activities based on these desires so that both parties are content. I’m working on it.

It is a theme in Christianity to be like Jesus. He was a good friend honest, kind, and he looked out for those around him. So, even though it’s not easy, sometimes Christians can be hurtful (to all those who I've hurt I am deeply sorry), we should try and do the same as Jesus did.

TV; Why do we watch the TV shows we do?

                Why do we watch the shows we do? Is it the characters? We just have to see how they’ll get out of this. Does the plot excite us? What will happen next? Or does the drama pull you in? I can’t believe that happened, wow this is amazing!

My latest television show obsession is “Robin Hood”, a British show I found on Netflix about you guessed it Robin Hood. The show isn’t really anything special, the historical accuracy is nil, the world is obviously fake. Yet I’m addicted. Why?

Maybe it’s the unique group of characters. Robin Hood, has lost his bloodlust after fighting for the King in the crusades. He comes home to find the Sheriff he loved has been replaced by an evil one, who overtaxes, letting people starve, and worse. But we meet Robin before he knows this. He’s traveling back from the Holly Land with his servant Much, a fighter who talks too much. (Think donkey in Shrek). Robin knows not to kiss a young lady while her father stands outside the house but she tempts him and sure enough Robin has to make a clever escape as the father chases him out. Robin uses a Saracen bow and has come to appreciate Muslims, even has one, a young woman as a member of his “outlaws”. Djaq, the Saracen woman, took on her twin brother’s name. Her father a doctor, she knows about eastern medicine and has a strong wit and fight to match. Will, the carpenter takes orders well, while he also improvises with his knowledge of craftsmanship getting them out of messes or through an obstacle. Little Jon, the giant, has a heart as big as himself. He fights for home because it’s the home he loves. Much is with them too, cooking most of the time in the forest as if he’s Robin’s wife. Finally Allan, the fool who spins a good lie, he knows the ins and outs of being an outlaw, how to get in and out without getting caught. Yet can he really be trusted?

Like the traditional story Robin and his men steel from the rich and give to the poor. But their mission is also to get word to the King in the Holly land of the Sheriff’s cruelty and later, his treason. They encounter and stop other cruel plots along the way, getting caught sometimes, escaping often and losing some. Lady Marion is also part of the story. Strong willed, she fights against the injustice in her own way (think secret identity). Robin is head over heels for her but he has to stay strong especially since Marion considers her love lost since he left for the holy land, breaking off their engagement, and she’s antagonistic towards him for disregarding the rules. She helps them anyway with insider information from Guy Gibson, the right hand man to the Sheriff who cares for Marion in his ill conceived way caring more for power than what she actually wants.

I think it’s the good against evil battle I love. The idea that good can prevail, the idea of friendship so strong you’d go through hell for each other. To have a fight for good, a purpose in life is invigorating. And we’re let in on all this through Robin’s gang, friends as tight as any. We even love the Sheriff who’s constantly killing people we wonder why there’s anyone left or anyone willing to work for him. The writing is clever always making me laugh out loud in each episode.

(Spoiler; don’t watch the last 12minutest of episode 26, “We are Robin Hood” it ruined the series for me. I’m still scratching my head as to why the writers did THAT. But the first two seasons are GREAT! The third still has great writing but a missing element.)

On Writing; How to take Critique Gracefully

Letting people critique your work is an essential part of writing but hearing criticism can be heart wrenching. Having just recently heard a few extensive critiques on my novel, one by a family member the others by friends, I thought I’d pass on some advice.

BEFORE YOU GIVE THEM YOUR WORK

1.       Do as much as you can to come up with and answer your own questions. I drove myself crazy doing this so there is such a thing as overdoing it.

2.       Writing questions within the piece, while it can be tacky for an official editor, I did this for my own notes and would give these drafts to people and they would answer them.

3.       Make sure the person you are handing your work to knows you expect feedback and what kind. It’s going to be easy for them to just read it and say they liked it or didn’t. I still haven’t figured out how to get people to actually give a critique even after I made it clear, though they may not have any official expertise, they can help me (and my lame spelling and grammar).

4.       I still haven’t mastered the art of giving a timeline for the critique. I had a schedule for one, every two weeks I’d heard about a few chapters. One I got after two weeks that covered the whole book, and one I’m still waiting on after months, which brings me to…

WHILE YOU’RE WAITING KEEP WORKING ON YOUR PIECE. DON’T LET THE FACT A FRIEND IS READING IT SLOW YOU DOWN, this is specifically for among the drafts edits. A final edit you can’t keep working.

 BEFORE YOU MEET FOR THE CRITIQUE

1.       Prepare yourself for some hard to hear stuff. You’ll get hit with a lot of balls in the gut but like dodge ball you have to find a way to avoid getting hurt.

2.       Prepare some open ended questions designed to flush out problems. Examples;

a.       What about the character made you feel he wasn’t developed enough?

b.      Can you point to some examples of when the setting wasn’t clearly stated?

3.       Remind yourself this person is human just like everyone else, they are not all knowing and always right but only you know how you want your story to be.

4.       You should have already written down intentions for your plot, character, etc. You’ll need to keep these in mind and hold firm to them during the meeting.

5.       Remind yourself that your draft isn’t bad it’s good but you want to make it better.

WHEN YOU MEET

1.       Ask for what they liked about the piece first but after a few minutes you have to ask what they thought could have been better. Listen/take notes. Acknowledge what they are saying even if you don’t agree with it. But try and look at your story as if what they are saying is true so you don’t get in an uncompromising rut. DON’T DWELL ON THE REWRITE, it’s going to be different than you think you haven’t had time to think it through or finish the critique.

2.       Don’t get emotional, happy or upset, especially defensive. The person giving the critique is giving advice to their best ability. They are fallible and there’s no reason you have to agree or use it, if you feel it doesn’t suit your story.

3.       Ask open ended questions, especially if you feel the person has come to a fallacious assumption. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve asked questions and either the one critiquing the piece took it back or I found the comment was different than what I thought. It also helps you better understand the problem, opening up your options, if there is something you have to change.

4.       Pay attention to body language. It’s best to meet in person. This was a lifesaver for me. One of the people who reviewed my piece was tearing it to shreds but was doing it with such passion that I knew he cared about the piece. He was excited. I’d hooked him in my plot even though he felt the writing and characters needed lots of work. I consider that a successful draft.

5.       Keep in mind a lot of the advice you’re getting is personal opinion, choices, and biased. Everyone sees through their own rose colored glasses and advice from one person could be the exact opposite of another. Make sure you stick to your clear intentions.

6.       At the end tell them what helped you and thank them.

AFTER

1.       Celebrate! You’ve gotten through the hardest part of writing. No matter how it went you’re on your way. You know what they say, "a bad dress rehearsal means a good performance."

2.       Save your draft under a new name. I like to attach the date to all my drafts.

3.       Go through each suggestion and consider them carefully, trying them a few times, before you discard them.

4.       Discard whatever you want to.

5.       Remind yourself the person you worked with was doing you a favor, don’t let that get in the way of any relationship. Go ahead and think they’re stupid when it comes to your piece but that doesn’t mean they’re a stupid person. She’s probably a lot of fun once you get a few martinis in her.

I hope this helps people. When you do these things it feels less of a violation than getting fraudulent charges on your bank card, which happened to me today. Ahh!

Tots; How to make taking kids to the Park less of an ordeal

Going to the park with kids is a bit of an ordeal. In my work as a babysitter I’ve made many trips to the park with different kids and I've discovered there are a few things that can make it easier;

AT HOME

Put the sun block on. It can be next to imposable to get kids to stand still when there’s a giant play set calling them.

Make sure the rules are clear and if you’re willing to enforce consequences make those clear as well. It’s not a bad idea to tell them, “If you can’t follow these rules then we don’t have to go to the park, that’s okay.” Odds are they’ll want to go so they’re agree to follow the rules but by giving them the option of not going you won’t become the bad guy. They are in control. There are all kinds of “if thens” in life; “if you don’t do your homework you won’t do well in school.” “If you don’t go to work you won’t get paid.” The sooner they learn this, the better and the easier it will be for them to accept rules without resenting the world or villainizing those who enforce the rules, which is YOU.

WHAT TO BRING IN THE ONE PARK BAG

Wet naps to clean hands, face, and any scrapes

A small first aid kit. Kids get scrapes it’s part of the definition of being a kid. A small first aid kit containing wet naps (pat don’t rub), antibacterial ointment (you can find a really small tube that has numbing agent in it too) and those band-Aids with the child's favorite cartoon character on them works great to stop the flow of tears.

Sun block, if you stay at the park more than two hours you’ll need to reapply. That’s a good time to give them the cookies or fruit snacks you hid in the recesses of the park bag.

Food, especially if it’s around lunch time or snack time. Cut the food into more pieces that you would normally, especially with little kids because once a piece falls on the ground it goes in the trash and there’s nothing more heartbreaking than a child whining that they’re hungry.

Leave stuffed animals and blankies at home. Sand clings to fussy things and it’s impossible to get rid of.

Sweaters; no matter how hot it is you never know when the weather will turn or a child will want it just because.

Change of clothes; this is really only for children who are in the process of potty training, when they’re having so much fun it’s hard to remember that, unlike last year when they were wearing a diaper, they have to stop and walk to the potty.

Bathing suit if it’s going to be wet or hot enough

I don’t recommend bringing sand toys. It’s a lot to worry about and parks have play sets, but it’s up to you. With older kids, bringing toys, with the understanding they are responsible for them, could teach them responsibility. It’s not a horrible idea. Just, for a child to understand consequence, you should be prepared to leave a left toy and endure the tears. If I found the time, I would go back, but not let the child know until after they understand the lesson. You won't be an unfeeling person but you'll never have to tell your child twice again to gather their things.

AT THE PARK

Before exiting the car, be sure to make it clear the child/children should hold your hand or someone's hand in the parking lot.

Tell the child where you'll sit and watch them. They won't care until they do and when that time comes, if they can't find you there will be tears.

If you’re going to be eating at the park keeping children’s hands clean when the table is dirty can be impossible. What I recommend, but this is up to you, when they first sit to eat use a wet nap to wipe their hands and with the same wet nap wipe down the area of the table they will be eating at. It won’t be perfectly clean but don’t worry about their little hands touching the table it will happen but their immune systems can handle it. And if you wipe their hands whenever they touch the table, you’ll be wiping their hands every two seconds to keep them clean. Don’t let them eat foot that touches the table or falls on the ground. Notifying them of this before they start eating will make the struggle less difficult.

When a child plays they’re likely to get bumps and bruises. As long as the playset is age apropriate don’t hold their hand the whole time or they'll never learn. When they fall or get hurt don't freak out, let it be, and they’re more likely to let it go.

When it's about time to leave, give the children a countdown. "We're leaving in fifteen minutes", "ten minutes", "five minutes", "one minute". It allows the child to finish up their game and or gives a child a heads up making it less of a shock when that time comes around, which, in my experience,results in less resistance (most of the time).

This isn't an exhaustive list,won't necessarily make the day at the park free of drama but I think it will help lessen the drama. Let me know if you have any thoughts on this or other ideas.