Saturday, March 31, 2012

Walking on Suds

                After graduating from college about six months went by before I unpacked the last bag from school. The bag had my after ski boots in it and a bottle of liquid detergent. During the summer and fall I hadn’t needed the boots. I hadn’t been near snow. And my parents provided detergent in the cupboard over the washing machine.

In the bag, the detergent had spilled everywhere, even though I’d double bagged it.

The boots had selflessly absorbed a great deal of the soap.

They were my Rite Aid boots. Up in the mountains where we go skiing every year I’d gone out shopping without the intention of buying boots. My mother and aunt were with me. After walking a ways through the slushy snow I found the boots I was wearing were filled with freezing water. I discovered my old boots, which were actually my mother’s boots from the year before, had a large rip in them.
“Why did you let me use them if they were ripped?” I yelled at my mother. She hadn’t known. I whined about the cold. At twenty years old I was far too big to be whining to my mother about being cold. I’m not proud I did it.
Taking pity on me my mother agreed to stop in a Rite Aid. As soon as I entered the boot aisle my boots and socks came off. Free from the cold water I skipped through the aisles in my bare feet. My feet were warming up and my mother agreed to buy me socks along with the inexpensive boots. The warmth of the new boots felt like I was curling up by a warm fire.  I had boots that were actually mine, the first boots that were mine since I’d always inherited from my sister or my mother, whose feet were about the same size but a little bigger than mine. My boots actually fit. I loved the boots.

But six months after college graduation the boots were soaked in sticky laundry detergent. I washed them in our large laundry room sink. The deep sink quickly filled with suds. I washed them again, and again. Did a couple loads of laundry with them without putting soap in. The clothes came out really clean. And I’d saved the boot, they were wearable but there was a large blue stain on the boot, which had laid in the detergent for six months. It didn’t matter. I was keeping them. And the next time I wore the boots it was snowing and some snow got in through the top. I was walking on suds, but I didn’t care.

I still have the boots. In the mountains again this year I wore them today.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Why does God allow the Evil of illness and death?

A couple weeks back I posted about why God lets bad things happen to good people ("Could God make a rock so big he couldn't move it?"). I spoke mostly of natural disasters. I thought about illness but wanted to save that for another time. This is that time.

I just happen to be reading the book, “The Immortal life of Henrietta Lacks” by Rebecca Skloot. It’s non-fiction, a story that really happened about Henrietta, a woman who died of cancer and the type of cancer she had was so virulent that her cells have continued to grow and are being used decades after her death in experiments to create new drugs.
One of my favorite movies is “Meet Joe Black” in the movie an old woman dying says something to the effect of “life is about getting enough pretty pictures”. I honestly believe that. We’re all going to die someday, life isn’t about where it ends up it’s about what we do with it and the effect it has on the world after we’re gone.  Henrietta’s friends and family described her as a generous loving person willing to work hard to protect and feed those she loved, which included a great many distant relatives. She was African American in the days of segregation and she was uneducated. The effect she had on the masses during her life wasn’t of a huge consequence. I can imagine her wanting to be more and she got her wish. Many many many drugs have been made and are being made today with the study of her cells. She meant a great deal in the scheme of things. I think she would be proud of her sacrifice, she’s affected more lives than most of us ever will.

Her children on the other hand had a hard time after her death. Many of them were young when she died and without their mother they didn’t have much protection from people who victimized them, often people in their own family. But our unwillingness to let that stand for future generations is what makes God proud of our development as his children. Like Hercules, being given the twelve trials, we’ll only become what we are meant to with challenge. And as in the book, The Immortal life of Henrietta Lacks, God will give us the strength to deal with the bad times.
Sometimes it’s not always obvious when death has a positive effect on the living. The hurting is too great to see anything good. As a Christian I can see death as an end to toil for the person God is taking home. That person is now in a happier place in perfect relationship with God. But life on earth still goes on and death affects it no matter what we do. I know it’s fiction, but I don’t think it’s hard to imagine something like what happened in the movie, “The Descendents” happening to a family, where death makes a bond stronger between the people left behind. Relationships are important. They are important to God and he will do what he can to make sure we nurture ours. So when someone’s end comes, think not of the dead but “what can I do for the living?”

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Developing Defense Mechanisms = The Fall

While I was feeding a little baby girl, her puréed green beans, she giggled at me green goo dripping down her chin. The green beans didn’t smell so great. Anything green is a little…yuck to me but her smile brought me such joy. I wondered why adults don’t experience joy like this, about something so trivial, and I happened to think about how children have yet to develop defense mechanisms.

Defense mechanisms are social boundaries, sometimes brick walls, designed to protect the individual who has them, from the evils of the world. But one of the main consequences of defense mechanisms is that sometimes they can alienate other people making relationships harder. This made me recall a class on Genesis held at my Church, San Marino Community Church. The speaker, Richard Lamb, suggested that Adam and Eve were children of about twelve years old when they ate from the tree of knowledge of Good and Evil and experienced what’s called, the fall. One of the consequences, not to be mistaken as a punishment from God, was difficulty in relationships (Genesis 3:16. “…he [her husband] will rule over you”, the first mention of bullying in the Bible. God does not condone it merely states it will happen). It made me think maybe building of defense mechanisms, when we start to be ashamed and put space between ourselves and others is that fall. After Adam and Eve ate from the forbidden tree they felt shame for the first time as evidence by their realizing they were naked and covering themselves. You remember all the artwork where Adam Eve hide from God with leaves over their bodies. Could it be a metaphor for hiding ourselves behind those brick walls?

Later, the same day I feed the baby green beans, I was at a child’s baseball game where two little girls of about three years old told each other their names and a few minutes later one girl was sharing everything from her backpack with the other. Adults certainly aren’t like that. When we grow up we lose our innocence, fall from naiveté to understand there are evil people and snakes. Defense mechanisms become necessary. But there’s no need to just give in to evil. God made evil because he had a plan for it (Genesis 3:15; "he [Jesus] will crush your [Satan's] head"). He saw a greater power, Grace. Where defense mechanisms prevent us from being hurt, Grace allows us to heal when we let our guard down and are hurt.

Maybe to truly be a Child of God we have to let down our defense mechanisms to facilitate better relationships so we can experience what God’s desires for us really are.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Society’s normal compared to the Christian normal

"I just want to be normal!" parents of teenagers hear it right before the bedroom door slams. The parents don't even have a chance to yell, "go to your room!"

I looked up the definition of normal, what I found on "yahoo answers" from a "normal" person, rather than a dictionary, came from Johnny, "Normal is a subjective standard people set for themselves." He went on to talk about how jokes in one click might mean nothing to another click. That means in order to be "normal" in a group you've got to find a group of people who understand you.

I think culture often defines the group normal. "Going on holiday", is the British "normal" way to say what people from the US call "going on vacation". But culture isn't only defined by countries. There are many different cultures inside countries and subcultures within them. Clicks can be considered a subculture of a high school. The culture I consider myself a part of is the Christian culture.

A few weeks ago I was at a talk where the speaker said, "once you choose to become a Christian what was once normal doesn’t seem so normal anymore." It’s true. I've often looked at the world through my Christian lens and wondered, why are people behaving like that, don't they know better? Sadly a lot of people don't and all who do "know" won't always behave according to their knowledge, myself included.

Below are two lists I compiled. (I could do them side by side in the antiquated Word 2007 but not here.) The lists are first of the things society generally finds normal. The second is a list of what is normal for a Christian. Remember, normal does not mean this is what the majority of people, Christians or not, do/believe. It's the values that the culture seems to validate through media, for society's list and the Bible, for Christian list.

Society’s Normal
  1. I’m only lovable if I get good grades, do well in my extra circulars, get into a good college, and fit in with my click
  2. People only love me if I’m pretty
  3. My possessions define my status
  4. Everyone does it
  5. Christians are weird perfect people
  6. If she flicked you off then you have every right to call her a bitch
  7. Get drunk and or high every once and awhile, it’s fun
  8. Cracking a joke at someone’s expense is a good way to make people laugh
  9. Watching people get into desperate situations is entertaining
  10. If you like him and he likes you have sex

Christian Normal
  1. God loves me no matter what!
  2. People will love me if I'm a kind loving person.
  3. My character, how I treat people, including myself defines who I am
  4. Who cares if everyone does it. Do I want to face the consequences?
  5. Christians believe/do things on "society’s normal list" and are just as messed up as anyone else only they’re doing something about it.
  6. If she flicked you off she has issues. Say a prayer for her.
  7. Drink if you want to but avoid getting drunk or high so you can retain your God given abilities to make rational decisions.
  8. Cracking a joke at someone’s expense is mean and hurtful
  9. Watching people get into desperate situations is heart wrenching
  10. If you like him and he likes you wait till marriage to have sex so you can build a strong foundations for your relationship
I'm sure Christian or not people can identify with a few on each side of the list. Don't worry, that's normal. There's no such thing as a perfect Christian and if you're not a Christian that doesn't mean you can't have some Christian values.

Note; If you want to look at a biblical list of the Christian "Normal" you can look at Ephesians 4:17-5:20.

Thursday, March 01, 2012

My Favorite Sin

My favorite sin is worshiping a television show instead of God. It’s a painful sin I realized after this week’s Ringer episode.

If you’re not familiar with Ringer (Tues 9/8c on the CW) it’s about Bridget, a drug addict being hunted, who takes the place of her identical twin, Shivon, a New York socialite, only to find out her sister’s life is more messed up than hers. It has a variety of plot threads*; a family drama portion, murder mystery, and psychological intrigue. All have to do with some mystery. Slowly each week Bridget pulls away at the clues to each of the mysteries.

Over the last few episodes a lot has happened the most important part for me is that Andrew, Shivon’s estranged husband, has reconnected with his wife these last few months, oblivious to the fact Bridget is not his wife. My favorite thing about the show was imagining how wonderful it would for Bridget to tell Andrew that their relationship has blossomed again because she’s Bridget not Shivon. And he’s such a sweet man I imagined his love for her would be so steadfast that they’d join forces to solve the many mysteries around them.

This last Tuesday, Feb 28th, the audience was given a huge piece of the puzzle, which makes all the mysteries no longer mysteries. And it does more; Andrew, the sweet loving husband and father is a crook and a liar so Bridget has every reason to ditch him rather than running off into the sunset with him. I thought Shivon was a bad guy but she’s really a good guy with very gray morals—so not really good either. I thought Bridget was in control but she’s actually a very little pawn.

The episode is appropriately titled, “Ps. You’re an idiot.” I feel like such an idiot. This next episode better give me warm fussy feelings because frankly writers I’m feeling like you might be the idiots.

Then again, it’s my fault for worshiping a television show. Like it says in the book, “Simply Christian; Why Christianity Makes Sense” by N. T. Right, we mirror what we worship—so worshiping God the most perfect example of love should be where are eyes are, not a television show designed to entertain the masses, whom I have a hard time understanding. (We’ll get to that in the “Normal” entry next week.)

*plot threats are different stories lines that all connect in some fashion, either to each other, a character, or a group of characters.