Thursday, June 28, 2018

Finding Your Tribe: Why go to a Church?

“It’s about belonging,” Jeff Hoffmeyer, my Senior Pastor, explained as he welcomed new members one Sunday morning. He spoke about how welcoming new members to our church is about declaring that these people belong with us. They are part of us. They are our partners.[i]

Church should be about belonging, partnership, finding that place where you can be you but also with others.

Sadly, church isn’t always about this.

Like many, I have had my fair share of experiences of church being a place where I felt outcast. As a young adult, I’ve gone to many churches to visit, trying to find people that I could relate to or at the least talk with about my life. I noticed many churches, especially ones with a lot of young people, people are so busy thinking of themselves they don’t stop to think about their visitors (sorry, you’re my peeps, but not infallible). It’s not that I wasn’t greeted or they didn’t have people to hand me a bulletin (bulletins are really big in my tradition), it's once they’d said hello, good morning, or simply welcome…once that bulletin was in my hand, they moved onto the next person. At my seat, surrounded by people (if people troubled themselves to sit next to someone they didn’t know), I was invisible. Would anyone have noticed if I hadn’t been there? Sadly, probably not. So why come back when you don’t feel like you belong?

And this doesn’t even deal with what’s being taught in church. Some churches teach shame rather than love.  As a Seminary grad, I say, if whenever you go to church you feel unrelenting overwhelming shame—run. They're not sharing the God I know.

But does the fact that churches fail to be welcoming or to teach God’s love mean we shouldn’t bother with church? Does that mean that church isn’t important? Perhaps a private faith is better?

Janet Hagberg and Pastor Robert Guelich spent extensive time studying faith development, talking to people, listening to the stories of how people navigate faith. They wrote the book on faith development. In their book The Critical Journey, they state that community, being a part of a group worshiping together (whether part of an institutional church or not) is essential to move from the first stage of faith to the second (this is out of six stages), “This stage [stage two] is best characterized as a time of learning and belonging.”[ii] There’s that word again, “belonging.”

Like My Pastor, Jeff, said, a faith community is about belonging, partnership with each other. Church is about finding that tribe that welcomes you into their existence, invites you to be among them and represent them in the world. Norman E. Thomas in his short story ”What is your Name?” reveals the value of a tribe best;

Norman was serving in Zimbabwe back when it was called Southern Rhodesia. When asked by a Zimbabwean, Zita renyu uripi, “What is your name?” the Zimbabwean was crushed to find out Norman had no clan name. I’ll continue in Norman’s words;

“Then their leader, “sub-chief Chimbadzwa, responded, “Young man, we’re glad that you have come to live and work among us, and we’re sorry that you have no [clan] name. But from today my name shall be your name. Your name will be shumba [lion] of the royal clan of Chief Mutasa of Manicaland.”[iii]

Norman knew this name was a gift. It was more than just a label; it was a people that had accepted him as one of theirs. Even as an outsider, having entered the country as a missionary just two weeks before, they’d accepted him. They called him “one that belongs.” This is what Church does for us (if we’re doing church right). It’s a place that welcomes us and gives us their name, saying we belong.

Okay, quick note…to those who know that belonging to a church can be a burden, you’re right. Whether it’s a large church, a small church, or just a group of people, there’s service expected. Do we have to help with Sunday school, work with the youth, or worse...as a leader? We’re already overwhelmed. How can we do one more thing?

I get it. We have only so much capacity. That’s why it’s so important to find a place you belong, with your gifts, and who you are. Say “no” when you need to, only deal with people who accept your “no”, and think about when you’d say “yes”. Service is stage 3 in The Critical Journey, so it's okay to stay in stage 2 for a while. Just don't think faith is complete there.

I’ll leave you with this quote from David Dark, “Without the burden of belonging in some way to other people, we have no way of experiencing ourselves as gifts to others.”[iv]




[i] Jeff Hoffmeyer serves at LA Canada Presbyterian Church in La Canada, California. I was hesitant to mention the name of the church because I truly believe there are many good churches and denominations. Any church can be a place of belonging with good people willing to be accepting of others. But if you don’t have a church and are located in the Los Angeles area, you can check out La Canada Press, LCPC, at https://www.lacanadapc.org/  
[ii] From, Hagberg, Janet, and Robert A Guelich. The Critical Journey: Stages in the Life of Faith. 2nd Ed. ed. Salem, Wis.: Sheffield Pub, 2005. p53.
[iii] From Using all the Colors, a collection of stories from Monte Vista Grove Homes’ residents, a home for retired Presbyterian Pastors and Missionaries, p98.
[iv] From Life’s too Short to Pretend You’re not Religious, InterVarsity Press, 2017, p74.

No comments: